Advice by Pepper Mackay

Sagebrush, Oct. 13, 2000

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Dear Pepper,

I walked in on my boyfriend in bed with another girl, and they acted like it was no big deal. And then the next day, I saw the girl at a local bar and she told me she was in love with me. What should I do??

­Confused in Canada Hall



Dear Canada,

How cute is this girl? How cute is your bofriend? Did you ever see that movie, Wild Things? Are you looking to make some quick money fast, through the Internet?

E-mail me.

But, if one or more of you is ugly, never mind. This is a matter strictly between the three of you, and I really don't recommend taking lots of pictures and posting them on the internet. Just buy one of those Polaroid Fun Shot cameras, instead of an expensive digital camera. It'll give you the same experience of taking pictures, but they're easier to destroy, and they're less likely to wind up on your ex-boyfriend's Web page after he breaks up with you on Valentine's day just because he thinks you were hitting on his best friend, like I'd like his stupid dorky friends anyway, that asshole.



Pepper,

I've just moved away from my home for the first time in my life. I'm mies away from all of my relatives, my friends, and the places I've known and loved. What three power tools do you think are the most essential for an incoming freshman like myself?

­Millenium Scholar



Dear M. Scholar,

It's good you asked. Because power tools are expressly forbidden in the residential life handbook, lots of freshman think they don't need them, and find themselves hundreds of miles from home, devoid of family and powerful machinery.

However, power tools are actually banned not beacuse they're not useful, but because Residential Life and Housing is afraid you'll use them as weapons. Silly, considering that if you eally wanted to you could smash your window, grab the biggest shard, and stab it into your RA's neck.

That being said, you really need a high-powered cordless drill at this school, with screwdrive and hex heads. The beauty of the cordless design is that you can drill holes not just in your walls and furniture, but in anything on campus, since it's cordless! The screwdriver heads are handy for removing the cover on your radiator, so you can press yourself right up against it in the cold winter moths. And the hex heads are necessary mostly if you live in Nye Hall, to remove the shield on your desk that hangs down just low enough to make a computer monitor impossible to fit.

The second thign any UNR freshman needs is an orbital sander. It removes more wood faster than any other kind of sander, which is great when you want the noise to die down before your RA hears, or if you're sanding your Greek letters into the doors on the Mackay School of Mines. And this'll easily get rid of the thumbtack holes in your wall at the end of the year.

The last essential school supply is a good saw. A jigsaw or bayonet saw is nice, but I recommend a reciprocating saw, sort of a vertical jigsaw crossed with a machin gun. The great thing about reciprocating saws is that they can cut through nails, rivets, studs, and especially walls. Use it with your orbital sander to remove the walls in the older dorms like Manzanita, and conjoin with your neighbor's room for a New Hall-style suite.

If you're in one of the newer dorms, you might go with an air compressor and pneumatic nail gun instad. With this, you'll have no problems hanging posters on a solid concrete wall. And as a bonus, an industrial-grade air compressor i great for driying your hair in the morning, dusting your room into the hallway ad washing away that filthy feeling you have after a WT final.